Careerist's compass. Part 3. “Failed potential syndrome” or the short-cut to nowhere
- We often get emotionally tired and are about to explode because of some trifle.
- In the long run we gain some chronic neurosis.
- There’s a heart or a brain attack waiting for us in future.
CAREERIST’S COMPASS. PART 3. “FAILED POTENTIAL SYNDROME” OR THE SHORT-CUT TO NOWHERE
Most of the time we are influenced by emotions – both ours and someone else’s, more often negative than positive ones. We’re unable to control our emotions. The consequences of such a chaotic emotional life are quite natural and well-expected.
Try to start your morning like this – come up to the mirror and smile at yourself. Don’t search for some drawbacks – the others will be happy to do that for you. Right, perhaps today you are no perfection – that’s all right, make allowances for yourself. And go on smiling all day long. Start bringing good spirits into the world. As soon as you start smiling you’ll feel your facial muscles resist your smile. Have a look at the people surrounding you. You’ll discover an amazing thing – people’s mouth more often looks like a horseshoe turned endways down so that the face has got a discontent expression. From time to time you’ll happen to see a horseshoe turned endways up. Now give it a think and say – which of the horseshoes you like better, which one you’d like to see once more and which you’d prefer not to see ever again.
People judge you just the way you judge them, the mechanisms of information perception and processing are all the same. So if you have a frozen horseshoe turned downwards on your face, you produce an appalling impression on other people on the subconscious level. And you’ll have to improve that impression in case you want something from those people. But if you’ve got a horseshoe turned upwards, you produce a pleasant and attractive impression. All people want positive emotions, as well as they want to get rid of the negative ones distressing them.
2.DON’T JUDGE HASTILY OF PEOPLE
If someone has shouted at you, has been rude to you, has pushed you, don’t jump to a conclusion that this has been made intentionally in order to offend you. These are the ways people get rid of the negative emotions they aren’t able to cope with. If you return the blow – you’ll do more harm to yourself than to them.
3.DON’T LET YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS CONTROL YOU. YOU’RE THE BOSS HERE – DRIVE THEM OUT OF YOURSELF.
Ways to break free from a conflict being imposed.
When people attack you, they expect a counterblow from you and are ready for it. If you have no intention to ruin your and their mental health – forget how to get offended. Learn how to be great-hearted. This will put your offenders at a loss and will absolutely disarm them. They aren’t ready to be great-hearted.
Whatever you hear about yourself in a quarrel – remember it has nothing to do with you! You’re well aware that’s not true. Then what are you going to get offended at?
Shift your reaction from the person to the situation. You might have been wrong actually, but the aggression thrown into your face made you blindly return the blow instead of taking a reality check. Search for the way out of the situation instead of trying to give your offender a dig.
Even if you consider yourself to be innocent never prove your case at every turn. Firstly, you won’t prove anything, secondly, you’ll develop the conflict and get a pack of negative emotions (which you will get out on somebody else afterwards).
Learn to take the heat out of the situation instead of escalating it. Anything that can defuse the conflict will do, for example, extended sympathy to the offender, a non-sarcastic joke etc. Train yourself for more serious battles than a quarrel in a queue or in an overcrowded bus.
Learn to possess yourself, to control yourself. Learn to get rid of negative emotions, do not conceal them, keeping and storing them till the critical mass blows you up from the inside. How to become self-confident?
A friend of mine said once, “A man’s look ought to resemble an uncharged gun”. I.e. it should demonstrate friendly intentions and at the same time warn of the readiness to rebuke. To my mind women will also find this thing useful, I’d say more, such a look is more useful for women than for men. There’s a very simple way to gain it – join an unarmed self-defence club. First, you’ll be able to defend yourself in a dangerous situation. Second, you’ll get that look. Strength makes you confident. Weakness brings diffidence which is often hidden under a mask of pretentious self-confidence.
HAVING REGRETS MEANS ANOTHER FAILURE
Make it a rule – have no regrets about those things that didn’t work out or failed to succeed. You can’t change anything, but each time you go through a negative emotion – you ruin your mental health. Treat your failures like the results of holes in your plans, some kind of a signal, indicating that there’ve been some problems which need to be detected and eliminated. Work on yourself, refine yourself instead of sitting on your hands, feeling sorry for yourself, recollecting the day you sprained your ankle when you were learning to walk. Otherwise you risk grabbling till the rest of your life.
A fixed horseshoe turned endways down is caused by constant absorption of previous failures, by constant chewing them over and over again. Repeated going through negative emotions about the things that can’t be changed ruins your mental health, wins you a “failed potential syndrome” and takes you along the short cut to new failures.
SEE ALSO: THE RULES OF A SUCCESSFUL INTERVIEW